Tuesday, the ravenous fans of Hence.LA visited the site en masse causing the site to crash and deliver users errors, none of which was not caused by the extreme lack of knowledge possessed by the websites creator.
The fans were so enthralled with the articles like “ArcLight Patron Knows Someone Who Worked on Movie” and “God Answers Woman’s Prayer That Speeding Driver Crash and Die” that they clicked and shared the links so rapidly, the site crashed almost the second it was scheduled to officially launch. Sourced confirmed the crash had nothing to do with the site’s creator changing the home page, while trying to publish several articles, simultaneously updating the menus all at once, causing the database to hit it’s MySQL query limit of 75000/hour, disabling the site for the rabid fans for nearly 2 hours.
“I got that email blast at 11:47 and I was like, ‘OH SHIT, HENCE.LA IS LIVE.’ and I just started clicking everything like an irresponsible dumb ass and I broke the site.” Said long time Hence.LA fan Frederick Mccarthy, “I know that the sites creator took into account the sudden influx of traffic he was setting himself up for, and the potential harm in changing so many setting at once, so it must have been my error.”
“I’ve seen many websites crash and I can tell you this is solely the responsibility of the fans for their insatiable appetites for high quality Los Angeles journalism.” Said Likhitha Kurtha, a tech support representative from HostGator, “No amount of basic technical knowledge or brief consultation with someone who understands websites could have prevented this.”
“It’s risky to put a countdown timer on a website because the site could not be ready to go live when the timer was done, but I was so confident in my technical abilities, I put a countdown timer on it anyway and told everyone when the site would launch. I even sent a mass email to everyone I knew early because I was so sure I was gonna get everything right.” Said Hence.LA editor-in-chief Stephen Perlstein, “And my confidence was right and well earned, as I did nothing wrong at all, like improperly setting up cachign to prevent database overloads.”
From now on, fans of Hence.LA will be able to enjoy the great works of journalism totally free from error or glitches, and if there was a problem, it would probably be someone else’s fault.