In an incredibly bold but risky move, Paramount Pictures, a subsidiary of media conglomerate Viacom, has announced that the heated race for highly sought-after Chief Executive position will go to none other than spring intern Colin Dunbar. “He showed a lot of initiative throughout his three month internship. Always volunteering for lunch runs, and refilling the water cooler. That wasn’t even on the intern to-do board, he just figured it out on his own,” said Film Division Internship Coordinator, Lisa Ramos, “I think he was the obvious choice to run a multi-billion dollar film and TV studio.”
“We are thrilled to entrust Colin with the future of our company…,” Paramount stated in a press release earlier this morning. “He’s a team player, and we think it’ll be a really great opportunity for him.”
Dunbar, who is an undergraduate at New York Film Academy’s Los Angeles branch, has previously interned at The Mark Gordon Company (who also noted his aptitude in refilling kitchen supplies) and spent three days getting hands on experience as the boom operator in a classmate’s yet-to-be-released web series following a group of roommates trying to pay their rent.
“He has a finger on the pulse. Digital. Virtual Reality. Twitter. Apps. Honestly, it’s where entertainment is headed, and the best thing we can do is not just keep up with, but anticipate these leaps in technology. I’m not afraid to admit that Colin’s already taken us far beyond what we thought possible.” Said Roger Harmon, Paramount’s current Head of Scripted Television. “Did you know you can order food from your phone? And they’ll deliver it. Not to your phone, to you.”
Needless to say, Dunbar will have his hands full as Paramount, one of the “Big Six” studios in Hollywood, charges into the new year hoping to build upon the success of franchises Star Trek and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, as well as a reboot of their classic film Ben-Hur. “He put in the work,” said Ramos “and you get what you work for in this town.” Ramos, a second generation Latino-American Rhodes Scholar with an MBA from Harvard Business School, also started in Paramount’s internship program back in 1995, rising through the ranks to become their first female Associate Office Manager in 2001, and uncredited Internship Coordinator since 2008, again a first for women in her field. “We all pay our dues.”
But the question on everyone’s mind remains: will Dunbar truly be able to shoulder the responsibility of guiding America’s oldest running studio and his senior year classwork?
“We’ve always known that Colin could do great things. We’re proud of all of our boys,” said Jeanine Dunbar, Colin’s Mother. “You know his younger brother, Eric, just got accepted into culinary school? Colin should make a movie about that.”
Dunbar couldn’t be reached for comment, as he still hasn’t figured out the phone system.
