7 Events In L.A. This January To Feel REAL Out Of Place At

Chances are you’ve met some cultured friends in the city, and one of them asks you to attend an exhibit at LACMA, or one of LA’s other fine museums (???). These exhibits are filled with things that people much smarter than you created so that you may take a picture of yourself in front of, for your various online profiles. As timeless and beautiful as the exhibit will be, you won’t be able to appreciate any of it, as you are an idiot who doesn’t understand what art is. “They really focus on the themes of urbanism and the fabrication of digital advancement,” your friend will say pointing at like a statue of something, as you nod your head at the speed of light, understanding 0 of the words coming out of her artistic, intelligent mouth.

Housed between a bike co-op and an organic tamale shop probably, everyone in this quaint cafe is 1000% cooler than you. The moment you walk through the door, everyone immediately thinks you look very out of place, and quietly mentions it to whoever they are sitting with. Did you mean to walk into a McDonald’s but accidentally came in here instead? You look like you were just about to place an order for some McNuggets but got lost, is that what happened? Why are you sitting down?

Have you ever wanted to not be able to hear your friends talk while also pretending to know how to operate your body whatsoever while music is very loudly playing? Do you enjoy being surrounded by the literal prettiest people in the world, who all seem to know each other and be very good friends? Your cool friend’s band’s show is a popular hotspot in LA to feel very uncomfortable at and you’re sure to feel like a dorky character from Sesame Street who’s never gone anywhere before!

This is JUST like your cool friend’s band’s show, except with LESS familiarity! Located at an even cooler place than your cool friend’s band’s show, this place has less people you know and more opportunities for you to seem like a gigantic weirdo. Go ahead – try to have a conversation, here’s a tip: you can’t! It’s too loud! Also, everyone is already friends, you should leave!

“Come on, we have to figure out these clues!” your adventurous and fun friends will shout, studying the “clues” strewn about the room. You, on the other hand, very badly want to help them but have forgotten how to do literally everything because there is a tied up zombie hissing at everyone from the corner and your anxiety is going through the roof, so you just kind of stand there and poorly pretend to seem like you know what is happening.