If we want to keep winning at everything, LA doesn’t need to be repped in the NFL – we have the entire reality television industry. The Rams/Raiders/Ranchers/whoever moves here, that’s just one team (or maybe two if negotiations are successful?). In the reality TV league, we have all the teams. Having all the teams means winning all the time, and when it comes to competition, I want to be in the city that’s literally always winning.
Football is for amateurs. Sure, there’s Monday Night Football and Thursday Night Football, but that means only two days of winners. That’s not enough. I’m talking about Sunday night Kardashians, Tuesday night Hollywood Hillbillies, Wednesday night Walk of Shame Shuttle, Friday night Food Factory. Then you can spend all weekend binging Marriage Boot Camp Reality Stars and Rich Kids of Beverly Hills online. There are a finite amount of football teams, and most of them are from boring places that aren’t right here. But there’s an infinite number of reality shows and they’re all the home team.
Football games cut to commercial to cover up all the boring stuff, like calculating plays and tabulating scores. Reality shows leave the calculating and scheming on camera, where it belongs. They only cut to commercial to build up to the excitement. Instant replays are a snooze, but a well-timed “I can’t believe she just said that?” That kind of suspense is a non-stop win for an hour once a week. That kind of non-stop winning is exactly what I’m looking for in a show and/or team.
When a football player gets interviewed on TV, I think “when does this get ugly?” Someone throw a cup of Gatorade in Tom Brady’s face. Flip a bench. Unlace that pigskin and wrap your opponent in it like a straightjacket. But it never happens. A little concussion is nothing compared to a biting remark made after a hot tub party – those knock the adversary out cold, and they are ours. All ours.
I hate losing. Football teams always lose sometimes, and there’s only one winner per game. But on The Bachelor, everybody wins because the losers disappear immediately. When they win, I win. When they lose, I win. When they win, they lose. Even if it’s not a competition show, the winning and losing is out of control.
Please, keep sports out of LA. We understand real competitions here.
