Last Wednesday, Dr. Dre signed rapper “Brian” to Aftermath Entertainment for a five album deal after buying Brian’s album on Venice Beach.
“I was stoked,” said Brian, “I told my buddy Mikey that if he made me a beat in Garage Band that I’d blow up. He looped some of the drum kits, let me use his Blue Snowball mic, I borrowed my roommates CD burner and now I’m one of the greats.”
Most of Brian’s music revolves around street life themes: Video games, Frisbee golf and keg stands. “My favorite track is, ‘Girl You Gotta (Throw That Disc Straight)’. To quote the greatest rapper who ever lived, Snoop Dogg, I like my raps to keep it ‘realer than the real deal Holyfield.'”
Brian’s five track LP also features covers of some of his favorite raps. “I decided to honor some legends of the game by covering the Tag Team hit, ‘Whoop There It Is’ and The Sugar Hill Gang’s ‘Rapper’s Delight.'” He quickly added, “It’s sad that people don’t even respect these songs. Like, you never hear Drake talk about House of Pain, you know.”
Rap mogul Dr. Dre has brought many rappers to the top of the rap game in the last 20 years. Most famously is Marshall Mathers, better known as Eminem, who, like Brian, is very white.
“It’s almost getting too easy.” said Dr. Dre who was counting his money. “White people are predictable. If I produce something and put someone that looks non threatening behind a microphone, it doesn’t have to be good. Every white person from the valley to Omaha, Nebraska will be bobbing their heads to it on a pair of Beats headphones.”