According to reports from the Culver City Police Department, all 230 members of a live studio audience attending a sitcom taping at Sony Pictures studios Tuesday were found dead inside.
Witnesses report the audience entered the studio at 11:30 a.m. PST with high energy and general enthusiasm for life before collapsing into a soulless heap by 2 p.m..
“We first received a call reporting glazed-over eyes and shallow breathing,” said EMT DeAnna Perkins. “The 911 operator indicated the audience was showing some signs of consciousness, but by the time we arrived, the audience had become completely unresponsive. We believe that the audience was dead inside long before the warm-up comedians initiated a fourth spontaneous dance party.”
The line producer said she noticed that something was wrong when one member of the audience refused to acknowledge the applause signal. Shortly thereafter, isolated members of the crowd began yawning and adjusting positions in their seats.
Although attempts were made to resuscitate the audience by a designated crowd warmer, witnesses noted the only sign of life to emerge from the group was a series of groans.
“The first thing we did was look for a pulse,” said Tom Brown, an amateur DJ and one half of comedy duo ‘Ron & Tom’. “We then tried some jokes about pretentious coffee shops and gave out a few Target gift cards—usually that sort of thing works. But they were just dead.”
Further investigation suggests that the show’s producers had been dead inside long before the taping began.