To all AT&T Wireless Mall Kiosk Sales Associates,

Management hopes everyone is staying safe and healthy in these strange times. 

As you open the luggage locks that secure your work kiosks today, Management wants to assure you that we’re doing something to help protect you during these strange times, and also let our Sales Associates know how you could help us.

As of March 20th, Management has reversed the policy that stated Mall Kiosk Sales Associates would be fired for wearing face masks to protect against these strange times. With the benefit of hindsight, Sales Associates wearing masks probably would not have caused declining sales, or at least not much greater declines than we were already seeing. Management, in a no-fault-admitting-way, regrets that decision. 

So please feel free to wear protective face masks at your leisure! As long as your leisurely wearing of protective face masks comply with the following guidelines Management has provided.

First, no novelty face masks. This means no printed skulls, no Joker smiles, no cat snouts, no theming of any NFL, MLB, or NBA sports teams, no leftover Halloween costumes, no obviously makeshift face masks that serve as a commentary on how hard it is to get a face mask, and no so poorly fashioned makeshift face masks that make people remember how hard it is to get a face mask. Before you ask, Management does have protective face masks, but we don’t have enough for our Mall Kiosk Sales Associates, we’re saving them. If you can’t find a plain non-threatening protective face mask, Management feels you’re better off not wearing a face mask at all.

Second, smile with your eyes. Practice in the mirror with a face mask on, and try to emphasize your smile in your eyes. Practice until your face indicates, “There’s no health crisis to be scared of. I’m a friend who can help you get a new and exciting cell phone plan. 5G – you want it.” If you’re finding it hard to smile through your face mask, or finding it hard to smile it all, Management feels you’re better off not wearing a face mask.

Third, and most importantly face masks will not be accepted as an excuse for declining sales or missed quotas. Management knows that many of you are having your commissions cut to less than minimum wage because fewer people are activating cell phone plans in malls since the outbreak of these strange times. That’s stressful for our sales associates, but it’s also stressful for Management who’s begun working from home as of March 3, 2020. When you were hired, we knew that you could pass a drug test*, that you could stand for for at least four but no more than five consecutive hours, and that you were willing to call out to people up to 20 feet away to ask them about what kind of cell phone they have. Those shouting skills are more valuable than ever to knock down the barriers of social distancing that’s keeping you from closing sales. 

Failure to comply with these guidelines may result in disciplinary action or termination. Management hopes the rules of protective face masks help keep you safe, as well as protect profits.

Yes, there aren’t that many people in malls right now. It’s frustrating, malls are a dandy oasis of retail. But, Management has faith that if we can replicate January and Early February sales numbers, no one will be laid off. However in the likely event that many or all of you are no longer needed in malls, lifeblood of America, Management would like you to know there will be no pay, reduced wages, furlough, or work from home options. There will only be immediate termination. Management will not be able to provide advice or guidance on unemployment assistance, as it’s a liability, however it seems rather easy to figure out.

Management hopes you have a great day, and remember from the letter yesterday Management still does not have enough hand sanitizer available for our mall kiosk locations. 

Regards,

Management

* Complying with State regulations, Management is proud to footnote that Maine employees are not tested for marijuana usage. However marijuana usage is strongly frowned upon, especially on the job.