This weekend, Los Angeles’ most notorious gangs, the Bloods and the Crips, are calling a temporary cease fire in their decades long feud in order to allow members to enjoy The Force Awakens in peace.
In a world awash in turmoil, these gangs are extending each other a holiday olive branch that proves Star Wars fandom is something that goes further than convention-going fanboys.
“Blood. Crip. Dark side. Light side. It’s practically the same thing. We all identify with Star Wars,” said Crip Goldie Sims, sipping from a limited edition Darth Vader Slurpee cup, outside of a Watts-area 7-11.
Gang on gang violence has been steadily decreasing since the announcement of the December 18 release date and is expected to reach an all time low come Saturday. Experts suspect these numbers will shoot back up to historical averages come January, and will stay high until an official announcement on Episode 8.
“J.J. Abrams as director I’m excited to see where he takes us,” exclaims excited Blood veteran Slim Reaper, who spent the night before tickets went on sale camped outside of a Crenshaw AMC. “I’ve been a JJ fan since Alias. Never missed an episode. Of course, that Lost ending was ridiculous. I actually almost botched a drug deal, because I wasn’t paying attention. I just kept thinking about how they never explained why that polar bear was there in season 1 and accidentally gave away 8 grams of cocaine. Had to put in some overtime to make up the difference. Still, I think he’s the man for the job. Lucas got off the Jedi path a long time ago, but I think J.J. is the one to get it back on track.”
Slim says the truce is the real deal, “The only way my gun comes off safety is if somebody posts a spoiler alert. Then, all bets are off.”
Gangland members aren’t the only unlikely suspects getting excited for Star Wars weekend. Reportedly a Santa Monica quilting circle is getting into the spirit by making an enormous Chewbacca-shaped quilt, and a Los Angeles cab driver has decorated his taxi to look like a miniature Mos Eisley Cantina. We may be a long way from finding world peace. Perhaps that’s because we haven’t been looking in a galaxy far, far away.
