Noting the lack of duck sauce or family-style dining at Chyn King in the Miracle Mile, Uncle Scott reiterated his claim this week to nephews Colin and Mike Hollister that only restaurants on the east coast serve worthwhile Chinese food.
“There’s just something about the preparation back east,” the Ventnor, N.J., native said. “I’m telling you, go to Philly’s Chinatown and pick any place on 10th street. Dim Sum like you wouldn’t believe. Not like this crap.”
Diners confirmed that Uncle Scott grimaced at his mu shu pork throughout the meal while detailing theories behind the lack of cross-continental consistency.
“I think it’s that all the people from Hunan or Sichuan province settled in New York and Philadelphia,” said Uncle Scott, who has never met a Chinese chef nor prepared a meal from the culture’s rich cuisine. “Oh, and the water! East coast water has more minerals – it’s got a, uh, spice that L.A. doesn’t know squat about.”
The meal concluded with a 10-minute lecture about what MSG really is and how it complements the aromatic flavors of Peking duck.
“We knew about Uncle Scott’s pickiness,” said 20-year-old Colin. “That’s why I suggested we go to Guisado’s or hit up a taco truck. But he insisted that we pick the first Chinese place we could think of.”
“I tried explaining that there’s really good Chinese food out in Alhambra,” said older brother Mike. “But, Uncle Scott only wanted to go to a place within walking distance with a B-rating or lower. Now I get why Mom and Dad didn’t come with us.”
Sources confirmed that, upon leaving Chyn King, Uncle Scott reminded his nephews that east coast pizza is greatly superior to the “vegan hippie junk” they could get in Los Angeles, and that locals wouldn’t know a good bagel if one got stuck up their ass.
